Well I won't say I have given up on Neo but I have decided that I want to date again mostly because I met this really cool guy.
It's kind of complicated and I am not sure how I feel about everything. I mean on this one side I am like smitten for this guy who doesn't and probably never will love me, on the other side I just met this really awesome, smart, attractive, successful guy who I am very into. Then you slice me in half and see the inside of me and I am scared and reluctant to get in a relationship knowing that I will soon be jetting off to Japan for sometime and then upon my arrival home my life will most definitely be flipped upside down radically when I start school again and run off to Europe for part of my summer. I am terrified knowing that the next year of my life is going to be me growing exponentially doing things I never thought I would or could and if I do decided to seriously date can a relationship survive all of the changes and challenges that are going to commence?
Also I am terrified (irrationally) that when I least expect it Neo will by some twist of fate change his mind and decided he is hopelessly in love with me and then I face the ultimate horror of deciding who I would pick. Honestly if this scenario were to ever play out I would hope with all of my heart that I would pick the other man not Neo. I want someone to make me forget all about him. I want to meet someone and love them so much that I don't lose my breath when I hear his name, that I don't feel that pang in my stomach. Seriously, I would love to find someone that I love that much and loves me back =)
Back to the importance of now though I dont know if dating is honestly the best idea. So much is going to happen in my life in the next year I just dont know =/
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